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If you happen to live in Louisville, Kentucky, keep an eye out for what the locals have coined the "Porch Pooper."
There's a serial pooper on the loose in the Derby City, and somehow, the Louisville Metro Police Department (the same police force who
accidentally arrested professional golfer Scottie Scheffler) can't figure out how to catch him. And let's be honest, it shouldn't be that hard because the sh*tting culprit keeps hitting the same house over and over again.
The story has now gone viral, but that hasn't stopped the mad man from dropping deuces on the front porch of one Louisville man's home. As the poor homeowner described to
Wave 3 News (while staying anonymous), these poops started early last week and haven't shown any signs of
clogging stopping:
"Tuesday morning I went out to my front porch and noticed what I thought was cat poop. It turned out to be a person's (poop). And not only did he defecate, but he also urinated on our welcome mat."
According to reports, the pooper-at-large returned the next night and "dropped the family off on the front porch" again. Despite there being clear video capturing each incident, the homeowner and everyone else in Louisville apparently have no idea who the guy is, or why he'd be doing such a heinous act on an almost nightly basis.
The Louisville homeowner is at a loss for words trying to figure all of this out, as he explained in the interview:
"I have no idea. We're good neighbors. We keep to ourselves and we behave ourselves. I can't imagine that somebody would want to do some kind of retribution.
I'm relieved that he's not violent and that he's not trying to force entry. He's just doing his deed, but it's very disconcerting and disturbing."
The Louisville resident had issued three police reports as of the end of August, but that number has likely increased because the number of craps that have shown up on their front porch has also went up (I'll get to more on that in a second).
https://twitter.com/wardjolles/status/1829617716170539043
Since the story aired, the serial pooper has hit the house at least two more times (he didn't even take Labor Day Weekend off). The Louisville homeowner even put out cat litter (maybe as a joke?) and tried playing loud noises through sonic speakers to deter the repeat poop-fender, but all it did was make the guy hurry up with his business before running away from the home.
This is hard to believe, but the "Porch Pooper" is inexplicably still at large. The LMPD is still doing their best to flush the pooping crime out of the Louisville, Kentucky streets...
